Trust in Love
When I first started seeking for a way out, it came from a deep sense of hopelessness and desperation. How did I find myself in such an abysmal state? I saw the unfolding of it, day after day, for six years. Yet every day, I held myself together and said, “It will be alright tomorrow.” With each passing day, I saw the spark that I once had begin to glow a little dimmer. And dimmer. And dimmer. Until I wasn't sure if it was still there. It felt like a dark, empty void was all that was left.
My life force was being sucked out of me slowly, as if it was being devoured and savoured gleefully by some evil force. Until one day, after years of this, I could no longer remember what it was like before the slow spiral into despair. I doubted if I ever had the spark at all. How could I, when “alright” just never came and any memory of it seemed to have been wiped clean? Maybe hope was just an illusion. Maybe no one was truly happy. All the laughter, smiles and joy around me were merely a cover-up.
As I sat in my misery, a gentle, loving voice came to me with two words: detachment and Buddhism. I heard the words so clearly in my mind. I could not have mistaken them for my own thoughts, as I would never in my entire sceptical life have considered religion, nor a higher power coming to save me. I did not deny their existence, since I knew that I did not know everything in the universe. I simply had no taste for mythical rituals, nor did I feel that superstitious belief systems were suited for me.
Yet now I was faced with a situation of whether to trust in the voice or continue sitting in my misery. Which do you think I chose? Obviously, when one is in desperation, any lifeline thrown your way or sense of hope in “what if?” is a no-brainer. I immediately wiped away my tears and sprang up from my seat. A Google search returned what felt like a miracle within walking distance from my home. So near, yet completely oblivious to me until then. That was how my spiritual journey began.
Trusting and being led by that voice, I went to find out what the teachings of an awakened mind were like and how they could help me. What I heard on the first day was “the end of suffering.” Bingo! It was exactly what I was desperately looking for. Who in their right mind wouldn't want that? Oh, perhaps that's why 75 percent of the world's population associates with a religion or faith. There goes my pride in feeling special for going against the grain. Look where it got me.
As I listened further, the realisation of the immensity of what I was being offered totally blew my mind. I had thought that when I walked through those doors, I was getting a fix for my despair. Instead, what was revealed to me was shockingly more profound, and the magnitude of it compared to the tiny, minuscule proportion of my seeming problem was inconceivable. My life turned 180 degrees in that instant. I finally discovered the whole mystery of what life was all about.
At a very young age, perhaps when I was about seven, there was an incident that prompted me to question the meaning of life. I had forgotten about it until that instant, when it became crystal clear, as my whole life zipped past in flashing speed, how every decision and major turning point in my life had been nothing more than a search for the truth. The deep yearning of wanting to know what I was supposed to be doing here. I had been lost my whole life, until that very moment.
Having walked this path of light, love and peace now for eight years, every step of the journey has been a process of healing, awakening and liberation. A support system of wise guides, genuine friendships, divine assistance, blessings of physical and mental conditions, and many, many more, is a clear determinant of whether one finds their way to the path, walks it smoothly, and perhaps one day fulfils the journey of innumerable lifetimes.
A rare and precious light bestowed,
Becomes the bringer of light to many,
Connecting all seekers who are lost,
In memory of walking home together.
Unbeknownst to me at that time when the gentle, loving voice came, the willingness to trust was all that was needed from me. I look at the many fellow seekers around me now, and I see the same deep yearning from within that shines brightly as the spark of the spirit that remembers Home. Like the North Star that guides sailors to the safety of shore, may our spark within be protected and nurtured. For the spirit that trusts in love is our divinity of what we truly are.
In love
Khan Hui Yee
22 September 2026