Bound is the Nature of Life
Today marks the date when I first introduced the second bond into my life 16 years ago. The way I say it sounds funny, and what do I even mean by “bond?” Well, two years back, when I met a Thai Buddhist nun in Northeast Thailand, I heard her say to my friend that in life, humans are bound by three main things—money, spouse and children. At that time, I counted two out of the three bonds mentioned. The nun further went on to say that in every human lifetime, these three bonds are the same cycles repeated life after life, indefinitely. I was stunned speechless for a few seconds because the depth of her words cut through to my core. I turned to glance at my friend sitting beside me. She was silent too. Understandably so. She had just asked the nun for advice on finding a suitable life partner. How would you react in the face of such news?
Since her teenage years, my friend had been advised to stay single by a highly respected Thai monk in the Buddhist community. When I met her two years ago, she was in her mid-20s, and she felt compelled to have someone by her side to go through the ups and downs of the human experience together. I mean, isn't that what we observe and instinctively gravitate towards in life? Having been married for several years by then, I reflected on how I got into the whole business of being bound in the second way, and narrowly escaping the third, though not by personal choice. At that time, it definitely did not feel like being imprisoned or shackled, even though minds with commitment issues may beg to differ. Since love is blind, my mind was deluded into thinking that it would bring me some form of long-term happiness. Oh well... I do wonder how my viewpoint might have been conditioned differently if I had received the same advice to stay single in my younger years.
Perhaps in today's modern day and age, it is not uncommon to opt for a single lifestyle instead of following the norm of getting hitched and breeding a brood. This is mostly due to rising costs, which are only the tip of the iceberg. I would say that this is not the true motivation for staying single so much as it is the trappings of the first bond. It is more about avoiding the challenges of financial difficulties than about the desire to remain single. On the other hand, something that my meditation teacher, a Burmese monk, has mentioned before is that if the relationship supports the spiritual journey, then why not? That makes perfect sense too, since spiritual friends are the whole of the journey. So, if the right companion is by my side, supporting me most of the time, it can be a real advantage rather than a hurdle to my priorities.
Does this mean that the advice given to my friend to stay single was ill-informed? That would not be a wise way of looking at it. No one else can know you, your mind and your life better than yourself, even if the other person can read minds. They may offer valuable and wise advice, but they can't say for certain what will come of it. It is skilful to remember that only one who is all-knowing can fully understand and hence recognise exactly how another's life will unfold at every moment as conditions change. So I would take everything with a pinch of salt. Taste-test first before dumping the whole lot in and risking ruining the whole dish. Therefore, see it as it is—only advice. It is not certain until proven otherwise. Here is where the spirit of adventure, exploration and discovery is key on this path.
Where has 16 years of being bound taken me so far? “Massive learnings” is an understatement. It is not easy living with oneself, let alone with another and their extensions. Nothing is lost if we see the true inherent value in staying curious and recognising how everything—and I do mean every single teeny-weeny, itty-bitty bit of everything—has been shaping and changing the “you” as each moment unfolds. Whether bonded by choice or not, every happening, every experience and every relationship is merely an object to be known, understood and recognised as the nature of existence. Once I began to see how the law of conditionality, like a domino effect, steers my life in the direction of what has been accumulated moment by moment, the wisdom to discern what is suitable, appropriate and conducive to long-term benefits brings clarity to living a worthwhile human experience with more joy and peace—while bonds take their natural course.
In the journey
Khan Hui Yee
20 October 2026
