Do you notice the mind has many default systems? Besides the push and pull, liking and disliking, it also takes information as instructions. Before coming on this journey, it did not occur to me that I have always been taking information instructively. For example, when we get a new gadget or electrical appliance, we study the user manual to learn how to use it. We take it as an instruction, don’t we? Do we ask "What is this information trying to tell me?" If you do, that is truly rejoicing. By default, we will just flip through the manual, follow the instructions, and get started. I did not realize at all that the manual was actually giving me information about the item. Hence, when there is a breakdown of an item, we look at the manual to fix the problem.

Since I had no aptitude for aesthetics, I grew up believing I truly lack even an ounce of creativity in this left-side dominant brain of mine. I was mostly logical, structured, and objective. I thought that only others who have the inborn talent possess, channel, and develop the intrinsic creative ability to mastery. So, that excludes me indefinitely. I took myself to be a stereotypical human duplicate at the end of a production line with no supernatural talents. My life thus far was then lived trapped in this narrow-minded lens where any consideration to attempt at being creative was shrugged off and cast away. I stamped myself as a consumer rather than a creator.

Have you entered a forest without a proper guide? Like anyone of us, entering a dense forest like the Amazon is going to get us trapped. But for the natives knew there is a clear path that we can’t see, not to mention understand. When we explore the mind, it is a similar situation. The mind we have is like a dense forest that we can’t make out and exploring it is not as easy.

I was at the mercy of these defilements and stood no chance each time they showed up.

When these defilements appeared, I became the defilement. The thoughts filling my head and the feelings I could feel in my body were mine. It was me who was thinking those thoughts and me who was feeling those feelings and they were always oh-so-real.

Ah, how we love a good sleep. It offers an escape from life’s problems and concerns. Better yet, if lucky enough to be graced by a pleasant dream. Such is our indulgence with sleep. Rarely do we realize that sleep puts us in a state of mindlessness. Perhaps we also indulge in this state of ignorance, not having to think.

Many of us know that acceptance heals us. It signifies letting go. There are several lovely ways of expressing acceptance, ie. embracing what has happened; meeting the hurt without denying it; being courageous to face the truth; being open to vulnerabilities; being on friendly terms with the pain, hurt or fear.

The "no right or wrong" does not mean I have to make myself from judgemental to non-judgemental. By the way, that's how the doing (making wrong) goes about trying to be neutral – it tries to be "right" by being non-judgmental or neutral – as such causing conflicts (wrongness) to its already thought system of judgements and preferences.

Shadows are really interesting and somewhat mysterious, yet often forgotten or ignored. I mean who actually even remembers they have one stuck to them all the time?

As I started walking on the spiritual path, or so I thought, I recognized more and more triggers within my space, against the world and myself, and my unwillingness towards my own liberation. I questioned the circles I was in, blaming my not progressing on those who seemingly held me back or caused me constant fear and confusion. And wished to only associate with spiritual beings sharing my same pathway.

Over the years, I thought that since I have read lots of spiritual books and listened to talks, my life would be happy forever. I thought I would be safe and never be hurt. I have even retreated from the outside world thinking the outside world has caused me to suffer. But… life is never a straight line; it is full of ups and downs! So, when facing challenges, I become stuck, standing at the crossroads – feeling lost, frustrated, and doubtful. Whatever that I have read or listened to, all forgotten, and I don’t know how to deal with it.

Year after year, I often wondered why love didn’t appear to me. Just as any teenager wonders the same thing when she sees her peers easily getting into a relationship or out of one. I always felt I was the odd one out.