Does Life Wear Dresses?
We all enjoy dressing up—maybe not everyone, but generally, we do. Even if we don’t always dress our bodies, we certainly dress up our lives. We take holidays, update our social media, and share both our triumphs and challenges with the world. The news also plays a part in this, constantly highlighting the negativity and struggles happening around us.
I recently came across a quote by Gary Renard that resonated deeply with me: “The real goal is not about dressing up your life; it’s about awakening from what you think is your life!” This quote reminded me of another insight from the revered Thai forest monk, Ajahn Chah. He suggested that to cultivate wisdom, we should ask ourselves daily, “Who am I? Why was I born? Where am I headed?” At first, I struggled to understand the significance of these questions. How could they lead to wisdom?
As I turned my gaze inward, I began to realize that we are perpetually engaged in dressing up our lives. This “dressing up” takes many forms—excitement, fear, joy, and sorrow—but at its core, it revolves around the self: “I,” “me,” “mine.” Almost everything we do—whether it's going on holidays, seeking promotions, or navigating our career paths—centers around this body, this notion of “I.”
Returning to Renard’s quote, does it suggest I should abandon my career ambitions or feel guilty for accepting a better-paying job? I don’t think so. This message isn’t about denying our experiences; rather, it urges us to probe deeper. Is our life truly found in money, vacations, relationships—essentially, our experiences? When we strip away the trappings of holidays, new jobs, and fat bank accounts, what remains? What is the essence of “I,” “me,” and “life”?
This exploration is ours to undertake. One might ask, “Why should I put myself through this mental anguish? Isn’t life already full of suffering? Am I just adding to it by asking these questions?” Yet, if we don’t question, we risk forever dressing up our lives, feeling superior when we excel and inferior when we stumble, endlessly constructing identities that we mistakenly believe define us. But is that truly who we are?
By posing these questions, we can steer our minds toward a path of wholesome or unwholesome inclinations, bondage or freedom, confusion or understanding. We live more mindfully, understanding what is important and beneficial to undertake. While this journey may seem daunting, it is necessary. We can either confront these questions now or face them on our deathbeds—or worse, allow them to go unasked altogether. In this pursuit, may we seek the company of wise individuals who can help us navigate the intricacies of our minds, leading us to awakening from what we think is our life.
With sincerity,
Stephanie Chua
22 April 2025