Sports Day and Personalness
In the recent sports day event in my school, I observed there was lots of personalness going on, particularly when deciding the winners of the races. Two students recorded the same time on our stopwatches and the team decided to have a re-match. After the rematch, students who had earned a place in the first match either lost that placing or got a different placing. I sighed, "Oh no, he wouldn't lose that place if the rematch didn't take place."
In the Javelin match, a parent argued with the teacher, insisting he witnessed the javelin landing further than another student's and demanding his son be given second instead of third.
During the final prize-giving ceremony, the yellow house won. Everyone—especially those in the yellow house—was extremely thrilled. Those who took winning and losing very personally and seriously were disappointed, some didn't care, and some were optimistic for next year's Sports Day.
As I was at the corner taking a break and checking the status of my mind, I came to wonder if winning and losing really existed. If they are man-made concepts, why are they man-made concepts? Can I say that winning-losing is mind-made, not a reality? If yes, how so?
You see when we don't see the working of causes and conditions governing the outcome of the race, we would naturally point fingers to one another, arguing about fairness, using videos on our phone as proof, demanding a rematch, getting disappointed, etc. Just as the child who came up to me and claimed that I made a mistake in my timer because he saw himself in the video crossing the line first. If there is an understanding of causes and conditions—how the timekeepers perceive the whistle, how crossing the line is validated, how accurate is clicking the stopwatches, etc.–no matter how strict we are in ensuring everything is accurate, the outcome is still not in our control.
Do we explain this way to the children and parents when doubt takes place? You can try, but it is not easy because our minds are just not wired that way. Therefore, opting for a rematch is the default solution and do they really win or lose after the rematch? Is that rematch outcome really fair? The fact is, every single moment is governed by causes and conditions, where does "winning and losing" fit in the equation?
I was pondering, how would I explain to children about winning and losing. Do I explain from the angle of causes and conditions? Will they hear me? The thing is, understanding conditionality is not an overnight work. There is no wonder, by default, we tell the children "It is just a game. It is okay if you don't win anything. Just have fun. Try again next year."
However, a game is really a game if conditionality is understood. The game is not just a game if the game is taken personally. "It is just a game" can either be taken as a force-acceptance or a dismissal remark.
I don't mean to be a party spoiler here. I rejoiced for the winning team, at the same time, there was no pride for those who won, nor disappointment for those who lost. It was a dis-identification with the idea of winning and losing that set the mind at ease with what turned out.
When students showed their medals, I cheered for them. What if a child comes to me and sighs "I only have one medal" or "I don't have a medal at all", how would I respond? Honestly, I didn't know what to say to make them feel better. "It is okay, it is just a game, we are here to have fun" didn't seem to be really true and right. "It is just causes and conditions" is not a language they can hear either. I would give them a hug. A simple hug could speak volumes when words falter because you just do not know the mental dispositions of the child.
In the past, I would feel sorry for the losing team, and proud of the winning team. This time, there was a sense of peace in the ebby flow of exhilaration and disappointments. Thanks to the message that came before the event started, "Forgiveness is my function as the light of the world. It is a process that doesn’t occur between two people, but in our minds, within the context of our relationship between ourselves and someone else. It is not really that I forgive you; but rather that I forgive the projection of my self-concept of guilt I placed upon you. That is indeed all I can forgive, for everything else in my perceptual world is a projection of this guilt."
This message reminds me again to check how much identification I have made with myself, my mind, my thoughts, views, and ideas, my body, other bodies, and practically every relationship in my life. All these identifications have churned out inconceivable concepts that are not aligned with reality, bringing forth much unnecessary suffering.
Thus, it is true when the wise men say, "There is no turning back when you embark on the journey of mind-work. No matter how slow you go, you can never stop."
By the way, slow-fast is another mind-made concept too!
In peace and reflection,
Stephanie
26 Mar 2024