I was noticing an interesting phenomenon that happens when people interact. By right, when people communicate, they are trying to build connection, but I noticed many a times, the opposite happens. For example, a woman would like her husband to be home earlier and have dinner with the family. When he comes home late, she would say, “Looks like you love your job more than you love your family. You are really taking us for granted”.
Most likely what happens next is both parties will get upset or keep quiet or move away or it could be a start of an argument. At the end of the day, both persons are not getting their needs met and if this happens constantly, the relationship will suffer.
So why do people say or act in ways that brings them further from what they really like to experience?
There are several things that are potentially at play here, we hear judgement and that put us on a defensive mode hence we are not really listening to what the person is trying to express (their actual need). One factor that we overlook in the whole process is that there is a lack of awareness (of the bigger picture) at the moment of interaction as all attention is on the other person. Any reaction we have at the moment are our conditioned reaction. For example, if you are conditioned to get angry when judgement is heard, anger will be the first reaction.
With keen awareness, we would be able to notice our mental state, feelings, thoughts, attitude, our needs at the moment and our conditioned reaction arising. At times, with just this awareness, a person can have some clarity because now he/she is not totally immersed in the situation. In short, not only will we be able to hear what the other person is actually trying to express or want, we are able to express our requests with clarity instead of expressing in a hostile manner with the twisted hope the other person will get us.
So do come and browse our website to find out what we are offering to open people to the journey of awareness, understanding and connection.